Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions in relationships. It can protect us, signal pain, or create distance when it feels out of control. This article explores how anger works in couples, why emotional safety is the foundation of secure attachment, and how partners can learn to express anger in ways that build connection rather than break it down.

Menopause is more than hot flushes and night sweats, it can bring mood changes, irritability, and emotional ups and downs that affect daily life and relationships. This blog explores why these changes happen, what research tells us about menopausal mood, and practical strategies for women and their partners. Learn how movement, mindfulness, therapy, and simple support strategies can help manage mood swings, reduce stress, and maintain connection during this important life stage.

Comfort and safety

As therapists on the Mid North Coast, we see many people navigating big life challenges such as grief and loss, anxiety, relationship struggles, and the complex process of rebuilding after leaving an abusive relationship.

There’s often a common thread: a longing to feel safe, understood, and more connected both to others and to themselves. Many women I work with have spent years people pleasing or “fawning” to keep the peace, a survival strategy born from earlier trauma (Hughes & Baylin, 2012).

One of the simplest, yet most powerful changes I’ve explored is: waking up early. I’ve discovered the incredible benefit it offers. Not to be more productive. Not to tick more off the to-do list. But to reclaim my mornings and with them, a sense of peace and presence that ripples through my entire day.

There’s something profoundly grounding about early mornings. Before the emails, the phone calls, the demands. When the world is still quiet, and you have space to meet yourself without interruption. It’s a time to settle your nervous system, gather your thoughts, and set your emotional tone for the day.

Understanding the "Anger" of Perimenopause: A Guide for Women and Their Partners

I've been hearing a recurring theme lately—anger, when working with women through various life stages. It’s not the typical “bad day” anger, but something deeper, something related to the fluctuating hormones of perimenopause. If you're a woman in midlife, feeling a surge of irritability, frustration, or even rage, especially directed towards your partner, you're definitely not alone.

What's Happening in Perimenopause?

The hormonal rollercoaster that is perimenopause affects more than just your physical body. Estrogen, which regulates many of our brain's feel-good chemicals like serotonin and dopamine, is in flux during this time. And when these levels dip, so can our moods. If you've found yourself snapping at your partner/husband over little things—whether it's his habits, your household duties, or just the fact that he’s not going through what you're going through—there's a biochemical explanation behind it.

The Bigger Picture

Menopause can trigger significant emotional changes, and while it’s a natural part of life, it’s not always easy to navigate. Women experiencing these emotional fluctuations should know that these feelings are not a reflection of personal weakness, nor are they something you simply have to endure. Help is available in many forms—whether it’s through lifestyle changes, professional support, or natural remedies.

Finding Connection: The Power of Understanding Self and Others in Therapy

As couple and relationship counsellors we often see how misunderstandings and emotional disconnection impact relationships. Something we explore with both individuals and couples is the model of self and the model of others. These models shape how we interact in relationships, and understanding them is a vital part of healing and growth.

The model of self reflects how we view our own worth, abilities, and needs. When we feel insecure or unworthy, we may struggle to trust others or may shut down emotionally. This can create distance in relationships. On the other hand, the model of others involves how we perceive those around us—whether we believe they are trustworthy, supportive, or capable of meeting our emotional needs. Misalignment in these models can result in conflict and disconnection.

“Relationship Autopilot” is when a couple find themselves stuck in the routines of daily life. This state—where habitual behaviours and reactions take over—often leads to feelings of disconnection. Breaking out of this cycle requires intentionality and a willingness to approach your relationship with fresh eyes.

What Does Autopilot Look Like in Relationships?

Autopilot happens when interactions are dominated by routine rather than conscious engagement. Studies like those by Scinta and Gable (2007) reveal that subconscious attitudes influence how we connect with our partners. These automatic behaviours, if left unchecked, can create emotional distance.

Christmas is often touted as the “most wonderful time of the year,” but for many couples, it can feel more like the most stressful time of the year — especially when you’re dealing with issues like family tension, betrayal trauma, and the added pressures of the holiday season. Throw in visiting in-laws, long hours, and the weight of trying to maintain a happy house, and it’s no wonder that many relationships feel a bit strained over Christmas.

If you’re navigating a tough patch in your relationship during the festive season, you’re not alone. Here’s some thoughts on how to not just survive, but thrive, as a couple through this chaotic time.

Recognise the Stress Factors

First things first — let’s name what’s going on. Christmas isn’t just about buying gifts and making everything perfect. It’s also a time where family dynamics can get intense. For many couples, this is when old wounds get reopened, stress levels rise, and feelings of resentment or disconnection bubble up. Add to that the challenges of betrayal trauma or ongoing emotional struggles, and the holidays can feel like a minefield.

According to Relationships Australia, Christmas can be a real stress-fest for families, and it often ends up taking a toll on relationships. In their December 2016 survey, they found that about one-third of people said their family relationships really felt the pressure over Christmas, especially when it comes to juggling work, family, and finances. Around 34% of women and 28% of men said the financial stress—whether it’s buying presents or dealing with the costs of the holidays—was a huge strain. And let’s not forget time with the extended family! A third of women and a good 35% of blokes admitted that spending time with in-laws or other relatives brought its own set of challenges. On top of that, a chunk of people (20% of women and 13% of men) said things like overindulging in food, booze, or even gambling made family vibes pretty tense. So, it’s no surprise that for many couples, the holidays can end up being more about stress than celebration (Relationships Australia, 2016).

It’s OK to Feel Disconnected

Christmas might make you feel like you're supposed to be extra “connected,” but it’s important to remember that feeling a little distant during this time is normal. When you're under stress, perhaps from family dynamics, it’s easy to feel emotionally overwhelmed. And when you’re feeling the pressure, it can be harder to feel close to each other.

When dealing with emotional stress or trauma, the need for reassurance is huge. Your partner might feel like they’re walking on eggshells around family members or might crave emotional closeness, but also feel like they're being rejected. This emotional push-and-pull can create a lot of tension. Research suggests that during times of stress, couples may struggle to communicate effectively, leading to more miscommunication and emotional disconnection (Davies & Coe., 2019, Family relationship dynamics: A developmental perspective).

But here’s the good news: this is temporary, and there are things you can do to rebuild your connection during the holiday chaos.

Practical Tips for Staying Close During the Holidays

Here are a few practical strategies to help you stay grounded as a couple while juggling family, stress, and emotional healing:

a. Take Time for Each Other, Even in Small Ways You don’t need grand gestures to reconnect. Small, everyday moments of closeness matter. Whether it’s sharing a quiet cup of tea, taking a walk together, or sitting down for a five-minute check-in, these small acts can help you feel emotionally connected. Just knowing your partner is there, even when things are hectic, can make a world of difference.

b. Communicate Calmly and Clearly If you're struggling with family tensions, especially around in-laws, communication is key. It's easy to slip into defensive or reactive communication when under pressure, but try to be mindful of how you talk to each other. Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements helps avoid blame and opens up space for more understanding. For example, instead of saying, “You never stick up for me with your parents,” try something like, “I feel hurt and alone when I don’t feel supported in front of your family.” This invites connection, rather than creating conflict.

c. Manage Family Expectations When it comes to in-laws, the holiday season can feel like a battleground. Research has shown that in-law conflict is a common source of stress for couples, particularly when family members are overly critical or intrusive (Family Therapy for Couples with Mother-in-Law Problems, Source: ScienceDirect). While it’s important to be respectful, it’s also crucial to set boundaries with your family — and your partner needs to back you up. If your partner’s family is staying with you over Christmas, have a conversation about how you can both support each other in managing the stress of being around them. This might mean carving out some “us” time away from the family or simply agreeing on a strategy for handling tense moments.

d. Validate Each Other’s Emotions This can be the hardest part, but also the most powerful. When you’re dealing with betrayal trauma, one of the key needs in a relationship is emotional safety. You both need to feel heard and understood without judgment. If your partner shares something vulnerable with you, respond with empathy, not solutions. Instead of jumping into “fix-it” mode, just say, “I hear you, and I understand why you feel that way.” Validation fosters trust, which is crucial when rebuilding emotional intimacy.

e. Create Space for Emotional Regulation The holidays can trigger a lot of emotions, both old and new. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or disconnected, it’s important to take time for self-regulation. This might mean stepping outside for a few minutes of fresh air, taking a short walk alone, or practicing deep breathing. Keeping your emotions in check will help you stay calm and connected with your partner, rather than reacting from a place of stress.

It’s Not About Perfection, It’s About Progress

It’s easy to get caught up in the pressure of creating the perfect Christmas. But this idea of perfection can fuel stress and disconnection. Instead of aiming for an ideal holiday, focus on progress. Recognise the small steps you're both taking to stay connected, validate each other’s feelings, and manage the stresses of family life. Each moment of patience, each act of kindness, and each conversation that brings you closer is a win.

Remember, you’re not alone in this. Many couples face similar struggles around the holidays, and it’s okay to reach out for support when needed — whether it’s a therapist, a trusted friend, or simply leaning on each other.

Christmas doesn’t have to be about grand gestures or holiday perfection. Sometimes, it’s the small moments of connection — even in the chaos — that make the biggest difference.

Davies, Patrick & Coe, Jesse. (2019). Family relationship dynamics: A developmental perspective.. 10.1037/0000099-010.

Relationships Australia. (2016). Christmas stress. [online] Available at: https://www.relationships.org.au/document/december-2016-christmas-stress/.

Tai Young Park, (2011). Family Therapy for Couples with Mother-in-Law Problems. Family and Family Therapy, 19(1), pp.23–51. doi:https://doi.org/10.21479/kaft.2011.19.1.23.

Call Robin today at Counselling Solution to help navigate this season 0421 224 070

Losing a loved one is one of the toughest challenges in life, leaving us shaken and uncertain. Grief hits us on all levels—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. The way we process and respond to that grief often depends on our attachment to the person we've lost, and how we find meaning in the pain. Spirituality can be a powerful guide on this journey, offering comfort, purpose, and connection to something beyond the immediate suffering.

Spirituality and Grief: A Healing Connection

When faced with loss, many people turn to spirituality to help make sense of the chaos. "Spirituality gives us the strength to confront the pain," explains Chapple (2007), who notes that personal faith or spiritual practices can provide deep solace. Whether through prayer, meditation, or simply reflecting on one’s values, these practices can reframe grief in a way that fosters healing.

Spirituality isn't necessarily tied to religion. It's about finding something larger than ourselves that can anchor us in the midst of sorrow. As Biancalani et al. (2022) found in their study of Italians grieving during the COVID-19 pandemic, "spiritual practices provide a coping mechanism, a way of finding meaning amid the uncertainty of loss" (p. 179). Whether this means deepening religious beliefs, or adopting mindfulness practices, spirituality allows us to process grief without feeling consumed by it.

Finding Yourself and Navigating Relationships

I’ve had the privilege of working with young people who are figuring out who they are and how they relate to the world around them. One thing I hear often—especially from young women—is the challenge of navigating relationships, particularly with guys. They might have great friendships with girls, but when it comes to guys, well... things can feel a little trickier.

It’s like they’re suddenly playing a new game with a different set of rules. There’s a feeling of: “I’m strong, I’m smart, I’m doing well in life—but why does talking to a guy feel like I’m trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded?”

I often work with people experiencing anxiety, stress, and heightened emotions. Many of us face these challenges in our day-to-day lives, often not realising that a simple but powerful tool lies within us: our breath. Research from various fields, including psychology, neuroscience, and mindfulness, has consistently shown that how we breathe can directly influence how we feel. The relationship between breathing, mindfulness, and emotional well-being, can help you regain control of your mental health.

The Power of the Breath: A Natural Regulator

For those of us living with anxiety, panic attacks, or high levels of stress, the physiological symptoms can be overwhelming. Rapid, shallow breathing is often a common response to these states. However, what many don’t know is that the way we breathe can also be a powerful mechanism for reducing the intensity of these feelings.

How we connect around sexuality is so much more than just the physical act—it’s about deepening our bond, understanding each other’s needs, and creating a safe space for intimacy. As couples, we’re wired for pleasure and connection. But finding that rhythm, especially when things aren’t quite clicking, can be challenging. The good news? Sex doesn’t have to be the problem—it can be the solution. By nurturing your sexual connection, you can strengthen your relationship and create a deeper sense of closeness.

So, what’s normal for you? What’s desirable? And what did you learn growing up about sex? We all pick up messages from our parents and the culture around us, often without realising it. These early lessons can shape the way we think and feel about sex—whether that’s a sense of guilt, confusion, or even unrealistic expectations. But here’s the thing: your sexual connection doesn’t have to be shaped by those old stories. It can evolve into something that works for you as a couple.

Your story matters, and it doesn’t need a filter to be beautiful

Social media is everywhere. It’s fun to scroll, post, and share, but it can also make life harder. For young women, the constant pressure to look perfect—flawless makeup, trendy clothes, and the right angle—can feel overwhelming.

Studies, (Aparicio-Martinez et al., 2019), show that social media can lower confidence and increase anxiety, especially when we compare ourselves to others online. Those perfectly edited photos and highlight reels? They’re not real life, but it’s easy to forget that when you’re scrolling.

Journaling helps bring clarity to your thoughts

As counsellors, we've seen firsthand how journaling can be a transformative tool for improving mental health. Over the years, many of our clients have found it to be an effective way to manage stress, anxiety, and trauma. Whether you're new to journaling or a seasoned writer, the benefits for emotional well-being are profound. Here’s why journaling should be part of your mental health toolkit.

Make Time for ‘Us’

Reconnecting as Parents: A Little Love, Laughter, Connection

Between doing the school pick-up, cooking dinner, tantrums, and endless loads of washing, it's easy to forget the one thing that brought you and your partner together in the first place — your relationship. But what if we told you that reconnecting doesn't need to be a big, complicated affair? You don't need to book a fancy weekend getaway or join a yoga retreat to rekindle the spark. In fact, a few small but powerful shifts can do wonders for your bond.

I’ve seen how emotional disconnection can affect couples. Life’s stresses, routines, and conflicts often create distance between partners. However, there is a simple, powerful practice that can help restore that connection: eye gazing.

Eye gazing involves holding sustained eye contact with your partner. While it might feel uncomfortable at first, this practice has profound effects on emotional intimacy, trust, and empathy. It’s research based, and can be an effective way for couples to reconnect on a deeper level.

When was your last relationship checkup?

Whether your relationship is strong or growing, like professional development, every relationship benefits from regular skill building. 

I see many couples come in after years, sometimes decades of struggles with key issues such as resentment, unresolved conflict, intimacy disconnection, boredom, and loneliness. Which is why I focus on these key areas when couples book with me for a check up. 

Relationships are challenging, especially when one person in the relationship is on the autism spectrum (level 1 autism spectrum disorder ASD previously called Asperger syndrome). Misunderstandings, frustration, confusing and emotional disconnection may cause relationship dissatisfaction and fall-out. 

Starved of physical affection, many neuro-typical (NT) women living in a long-term relationship with someone with undiagnosed ASD, express a common experience of loneliness, isolation and pent-up anger (Brown 2023). Lack of emotional intimacy and social connection may impact their sense of self and result in long-term emotional and mental health issues. Empowering women to live well in a neuro-diverse relationship and seek inner-happiness through education, setting realistic expectation and providing support structures, will improve self-esteem and mental health and will ultimately strengthen their neuro-diverse relationship. 

What is Bilateral Guided Drawing and how can it help me? Cornelia Elbrecht, Institute for Sensorimotor Art Therapy developed this evidence-based sensorimotor, somatic trauma therapy. Cornelia describes it as a "self-massage" but I also think of it as a Mental Health Massage.  My clients usually end a session feeling "lighter" or "more relaxed" or "less-stressed."  

A 'bottom-up' technique such as this, using body awareness, presence, movement, self-regulation, titration, self-understanding, and “active meditation”, releases and restores previously blocked natural rhythms. This kinaesthetic, mostly nonverbal approach empowers the client to help themselves by asking what does my body need, and thus finding an active response to a traumatic experience. You will be guided by your therapist, Robin, to scan your body for any discomfort or stress, and you then respond with what resonates with your internal body experience. There is no right or wrong' way of doing this and there are no rules. You do not have to have any artistic ability. Think of it as a mental health massage that reduces stress, discomfort and tension.

What a pleasure it is to volunteer with NALAG the National Centre for Loss and Grief. I am honoured to provide support to grieving clients around Australia. Thank you NALAG for your gift today and thank you for showing your appreciation to me, one of your volunteers.

All of us experience grief and loss at some point in our lives, whether it's losing a loved one, losing our pet, or going through the anticipation of death with a loved one's journey with terminal cancer. Death, although common, is not something that most of us are comfortable with. We may find it difficult to sit with someone and hear their story but that's the very thing that will honour their loss and pain and will help them to move through the process of grief. Grief stories are stories of love. With much love, comes much pain.