Losing a loved one affects us physically, emotionally, and spiritually and our response is determined by the attachment bond we had to the deceased person. Processing grief through spiritual practices such as religious and cultural rituals or mindfulness, may assist in helping make sense of the experience, accept the loss, and move forward over time. For some people, loss may result in a deeper spiritual connection and for others, may cause them to question their spiritual beliefs, or even lose their sense of purpose. Spiritual practices that honour the bonds and attachments that contribute to our sense of identity and meaning in life will assist in processing grief.

Betrayal trauma—anger and sadness may prompt you to begin ‘Detective’ work as you question everything after the discovery of an intruder in your romantic relationship.  When trust has been broken through an affair it affects the very foundation of the relationship. It’s a violation of relationship trust and results in feelings of betrayal and abandonment. Healing is possible and takes courage to rebuild trust in the relationship. Couples Therapy can help you make sense of and provide a sense of safety when taking this difficult, courageous journey.

Do you eat large quantities of food in a short period of time, often feel out of control when eating meals and hide or steal food or feel shame around eating patterns? Do you have ‘black and white’ thinking or rigid rules around food and ascribe to the Diet Culture? Do you use food as a source of comfort or as a punishment? Do you have secretive behaviour around food? Do you want to be free of the out-of-control feelings you have around food? Do you want to be free from your food addiction? Mental clarity and peace of mind may elude you as you chase your food obsession.

Have you ever wondered if there is help for you? Your eating patterns are unique, they may have a genetic basis such as poor role models, or may be linked to personality traits such as perfectionism, low self-esteem or body dissatisfaction.  If you experience an eating disorder it isn’t a lifestyle choice, it is serious and may potentially result in mental illness. 

Don't you hate it when people you're close to, (partner, siblings, best friend), won't be controlled? Do you sacrifice your own needs for others, and end up feeling resentful and taken advantage of? Are you taking on other people's responsibilities, trying to change someone by offering to help and take over when not asked? Do you 'Play God' in the lives of everyone around you, trying to control them, is a sign of co-dependency. "If I change him to do what I want, I'll be happy". Wrong! The only person you can change is yourself. The solution lies with you. 

"It feels like a bomb has gone off" is the feeling a person described after their partner disclosed an extramarital sexual affair. The fallout is devastating and the symptoms, such as hyper-vigilance and distress, are similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (Rokach & Chan, 2023, p. 13). It’s something you don’t plan for, could never imagine happening and it may feel like the relationship is over. 

However I believe it’s something you can recover from if you’re willing to work through it.

Grief is a process, not a straight line. I've recently been exploring different methods of processing grief. So I engaged my sister-in-law, Anita, Veritas Art Therapy, to help me work through grief. Nita writes, 'Art Psychotherapy is a visual mode of communicating which enables individuals to express things in new ways that go beyond words. Whether you see yourself as creative or not, Art Therapy offers a way to bypass our thinking and speech'. Expressing your emotion creatively allows to you sink deeply into your memories and thoughts for a moment in time, and really feel. 

Everyone experiences grief uniquely. Getting in touch with our feelings is healthy. You have to express grief in ways that are meaningful for you.Through creative expression of our pain, we tap into deep feelings that can enhance our healing. 

Grief can be very painful. One lady I recently supported, described it as ‘intense pain in my heart…it hurts so much here…,' she said, pointing to her heart. Her husband died more than two years ago and the pain of missing him is still raw, intense and incredibly physical. Grief has a powerful effect on your body. Your immune and cardiovascular system changes and grief increases inflammation. Stephanie Hairston, WebMD writes, 'The heartbreak of grief can increase blood pressure and the risk of blood clots.

You may think grief is all about tears, crying and sadness and that you’ll be back to normal within a week or two after the funeral. But it’s not like that. Grief, like people is unique. Everyone goes through the experience at their own pace and in their own way. And it’s can’t be hurried. It needs to be unwrapped… felt… and dealt with little by little. It’s like the skin on an onion. Layer upon layer… you begin to peel it back, you cry a little, you cry a lot, you begin to unpack it and then...there’s more. Another memory, another flashback, another life. It’s not something you just ‘get over’.

Everyone is talking about the buzz word 'Resilience' these days. I find it everywhere. But what does it mean and how do we apply it to our own life? 

The three secrets of resilient people | Lucy Hone | TEDxChristchurch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWH8N-BvhAw

I came across this great TED Talk recently. I love TED Talks as they are real, succinct and often a true story of someone's struggle or experience. This story is a great story about hope that came from Dr Lucy Hone, a mother and resilience expert talking about suffering. Her 12 year daughter passed away suddenly and expectedly in a car accident. She had to make sense of this and incorporate what that meant for her. Traumatic events like this never seem to make sense. Her three secrets are real and have helped so many people already. I was challenged and I'm sure you will be too.

Practicing emotional maturity in difficult conversations, defuses conflict.  “You make me so mad when you go out all the time!” Blaming statements like this may well result in a defensive response from your listener. I’m sure you’ve experienced this some time in your life and seen a negative result. 

Be emotionally mature; turn this around by owning your feelings and using constructive communication.

Sometimes I feel ‘less than, wrong or stupid’ are words I heard recently from a young woman on the spectrum trying to do life well.  

Often people see the impairment not the person. Just because someone has a disability doesn’t mean they’re simple or stupid. Sometimes people just don’t know how to connect to someone with a disability, especially if you don’t have the communication skills needed to easily form relationships. It goes both ways.

’I feel so flat, now the holidays are over…back to the same old, same old’.... she had been up North for two weeks in sunny Queensland, and came to see me with pent up negative emotions about her house, job and living situation.

What was driving her reaction? A dissatisfaction with her current job and boyfriend or was she disgruntled with her life in general? 

Starting conversations with people with disability is daunting. It’s not hard to start a conversation. You already know how to have a conversation with anyone and with a person with disability, it’s just a little different… Western Sydney University provides some useful tips and practical advice in this simple information sheet. 

We all know communication is vital to developing and maintaining relationships effectively. When dealing with someone with disability, able-bodied people are perhaps at a disadvantage because we become uncomfortable with the silence and the long wait for an answer. It’s almost like, their disability turns back onto us.

When confronted by life’s myriad traumas and complexities, we sometimes believe it impossible that anyone ever could truly understand us, or our situation, and especially about how we arrived at this place. And, all-the-while, we dream of escaping to somewhere better without the drama and angst, usually having absolutely no idea of where or even how to begin. All too often, we end up seeking solace from well-meaning, but poorly informed friends and family, craving their affirmation that we’re not wrong, not bad, and yet, never thinking to seek our own professional guidance and counselling so we can live life better.

As a professional counsellor, I can help you unravel the mess and trauma of life, and help you begin living your very best life.

• “I’m happy to go where ever you recommend.” ... “[M]y question always is, what does he want me to change?”

Friday, Room 37A… I’m sat at an old man’s bedside, not doing anything, just sitting—being present. Shortly, he reached out waveringly, seeking my hand. We held hands for some time before I asked him what he felt, and he replied, “Love”. He was 86 years old and so appreciative of my company on that otherwise indifferent Friday morning. Later, I learned from the busy nurses how with his dementia history, they had been unable to get sense from him. They commented how they were surprised at his lucidity with me. I felt that he just needed someone who could slow down long enough to notice him, would slow down and sit with him, someone who slowed down to connect, really connect with him on his level. A simple memorable rewarding moment for us both.

Very often Chaplaincy interactions can be intense, uncovering awful dark emotions and feelings, thoughts and words. And yet, it is our place to be present in these moments, calm and supportive, attentive and reflective, a listener.

Sitting in a small upright armchair against the wall is a middle-aged man, alert and orderly, but resting, reading. Immaculately dressed in good-quality pyjamas, it’s almost as though he’s at some European spa. On first glance, he doesn’t appear sick, until I notice the clear hospital IV line dangling from his sleeve, connecting him. His bed is well made, and the bedside table is uncluttered.

Room-mates or acting like buddies is not how you expected your passionate relationship to end. Passion needs to be built and staying in love takes many moments of connection, dedication and commitment.  Connect when you're not together even when things are not good between you. Wendy Rose Gould says, maintenance sex may help strengthen your relationship. Making love less frequently is expected (and normal) in long term relationships but you don't want to become complacent. Consider scheduling some time to focus on building intimacy and find greater connection and closeness.