Friday, Room 37A… I’m sat at an old man’s bedside, not doing anything, just sitting—being present. Shortly, he reached out waveringly, seeking my hand. We held hands for some time before I asked him what he felt, and he replied, “Love”. He was 86 years old and so appreciative of my company on that otherwise indifferent Friday morning. Later, I learned from the busy nurses how with his dementia history, they had been unable to get sense from him. They commented how they were surprised at his lucidity with me. I felt that he just needed someone who could slow down long enough to notice him, would slow down and sit with him, someone who slowed down to connect, really connect with him on his level. A simple memorable rewarding moment for us both.

Very often Chaplaincy interactions can be intense, uncovering awful dark emotions and feelings, thoughts and words. And yet, it is our place to be present in these moments, calm and supportive, attentive and reflective, a listener.

Sitting in a small upright armchair against the wall is a middle-aged man, alert and orderly, but resting, reading. Immaculately dressed in good-quality pyjamas, it’s almost as though he’s at some European spa. On first glance, he doesn’t appear sick, until I notice the clear hospital IV line dangling from his sleeve, connecting him. His bed is well made, and the bedside table is uncluttered.

Room-mates or acting like buddies is not how you expected your passionate relationship to end. Passion needs to be built and staying in love takes many moments of connection, dedication and commitment.  Connect when you're not together even when things are not good between you. Wendy Rose Gould says, maintenance sex may help strengthen your relationship. Making love less frequently is expected (and normal) in long term relationships but you don't want to become complacent. Consider scheduling some time to focus on building intimacy and find greater connection and closeness.